My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
