Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
