Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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