this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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