dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
