There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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