so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
