I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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