Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
