If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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