I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
