I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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