thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
