Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
