you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
