My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
