if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
