Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
