waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
His nipple licking is glorious
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