The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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