well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
