remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
