um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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