I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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