I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
