i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
