when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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