And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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