Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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