is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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