my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
