dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
