I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Panties = found
Randomize
