If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
