recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
