I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
