I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
