We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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