the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
