Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
