all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
