apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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