Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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