Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We smell like vodka and hangover
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