how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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