Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
