I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Rumble strips road head = magical
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
