He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
