Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
