Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
