we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
